Tuesday, May 19, 2009


If you couldn't tell from the heading, I am having a fat moment.

Why does weight have to be a struggle? An existence? Does anyone feel like there should be a simple co-inhabitance with themselves and the food they love? Lol.

I LOVE food. LOVE it. But I don't have to live in it. I think that all things in moderation is great, unless your body can't process it for crap! Exercise is dandy, unless you have a horrible back problem (such as mine) which limits you to basically swimming. Which is not readily available everywhere!

I think that you should be able to enjoy the foods you love as you live your life. Nobody should have to starve themselves their whole life to feel comfortable in their own body. I'm at that point!

When I was younger, I wasn't really fat, or chubby, but I felt like it because other children made me feel that way! Oh the childhood poison cruelty bread that we all had a slice of and served to others in return! After peaking at my high weight in high school, I donated blood and was pretty sick afterwards. I couldn't eat anything for two days, and lost TEN pounds. Terrible - but awesome - and felt like that was a good launch point for me to start losing weight. I suddenly realized that if I didn't eat that last piece of cake, it was ok. Yes, someone else would eat it. But I was living in AMERICA. If it was a cake from Costco, I could go buy another one. Literally. Down the street.

When I started feeling like everything was always going to be readily available to me, I stopped eating everything that simply looked good, and started dropping the pounds like mad. Two months later, I decided to join the swim team at school, and partnered with my 'you-don't-have-to-eat-that' mojo, I lost 50lbs in 5 months. I had a tan, was toned, and healthy - and found a new love for apples. :o)

Now, what happened?!?!?! I'm a mom of two, my body has held onto everything through both pregnancies. Everyone makes it out like losing the weight is so easy but my old tricks don't work!!! I want cake..... and sometimes, I let myself have cake too often. But I can't just not eat bad food and watch my weight melt off anymore!!! I feel like my body gave up.

So, I'm totally frustrated. TOTALLY FRUSTRATED. And I'm not a religious Oprah watcher - sometimes... I can't do some of the shows they have topics on - but I totally feel motivated to start caring about my body, and stop giving in to foods like... yes, I should enjoy cake. Because no matter what, I'm a strong believer in enjoying your life. And I'm sorry - I don't care who you are - but you can't enjoy life if all you can eat is tofu, lettuce, and lean meat until you die. (Or whatever else your diet is)



I refuse to be this uncomfortable anymore. It's not about how it's unfair to my kids, because when they want me to do things, I'll have to go sit down, and it's not about how it's unfair to my husband, because he married a svelte hot mama and now has the aftermath to deal with, it's not about how I view those things that way, it's about ME and me being uncomfortable and tired of being uncomfortable.

I remember feeling healthy and like I could run a marathon three times in one day - the energy, the motivation... I want that back. (Just like I could build the pyramids if I have enough sleep!)

It's goal week!


It's goal day. We'll see how long I last. But I want to take better care of myself, and see if the weight comes off. And I'm going to take more time for me. (I'm looking into taking some college classes about baking and pastry art, and learning how to do all the things I dreamed about but never imagined could be real! Like blowing sugar, like they blow glass! THAT is amazing!!!!)

I'm feeling excited.

Nervous ---

But excited. Hopeful. Nauseous.



  1. You go girl! You are beautiful no matter what but you need to do what makes you feel better so that you can be a better happier person! I love you! You are soooo awesome! And it probably doesn't help that you make cakes for a living :)

  2. I think that you are beautiful but I know the feeling of having fat days. I haven't been struggling with my weight but with my body image. I weigh the same as before I was pregnant but now I have a ton of skin, all the fat has gone to 2 places, and my stretch marks out number skin cells. I think to myself, "why didn't I wear more bikinis in high school? Now I can't ever wear one!!!!" lol