Monday, March 30, 2009

FYI - My Birthday

Just in case you were wondering, my birthday was fine. Nothing huge, family and some cake, and my husband took me shooting for the first time.

Apparantly I did well, but what do I know? I'm new at this!
I don't know how I feel about shooting a gun yet. So don't ask me.

My cake was delicious, because I didn't have to make it.

10-Step Bread (TOP SECRET!!!)

This is by far the best, easiest bread recipe I have ever come across in my life.

I.... I almost don't want to share it with you. But I feel obligated, because it's so amazing. I have to share it with you.

I also have to thank Mamie, because she is the one who gave me the recipe. Amazing I tell you. Amazing.

10-Step Bread

5 1/2 cups hot water
2 tbsp quick-rise yeast
1 tbsp salt
2/3 cup oil
2/3 cup honey (or sugar, or brown sugar)
12-14 cups flour (white, wheat, or part white and part wheat)

1-Put hot water in a large mixing bowl.
2-Put 7 cups of flour in the hot water.
3-Sprinkle the yeast, salt, honey, and oil over the flour.
4-Mix (beat, until well blended).
5-Keep adding flour, one cup at a time, until it's able to be kneaded.
6-Sprinkle some flour onto clean counter surface and knead for 10 minutes.
7-Grease pans. (Four big loaf pans, or six average loaf pans)
8-Separate into loaves and put in pans.
9-Turn oven on 350 let raise in pans while oven preheats. (15 minutes or so)
10-Bake for 40 minutes (or 45). (Until it sounds hollow when tapped)

Oh PLEASE - if you make this bread, let me know how it turned out. I'm wondering if it worked for me to mock all my failed breads past...

And if this is universally awesome, do share!



Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I just realized my birthday is in five days.

That's kind of sad... I'm not excited for it.

Is this what happens when you're a mom?


Okay, so this is really just about a few things that drive me crazy, not all of them.

I don't know if I have the breath in my soul to convince you of all the things that drive me crazy...

When my husband thinks he is helping, but is actually hindering, and I can't tell him he is hindering any process because then he will never help again and that means I will forever be enduring his hindering.

People who ride the bumper of my car and flip me off, while my "Baby on Board" sign hangs in the back, and you can clearly see the toys hanging from the car seat of my infant, next to my toddler in the back.

When said bumper rider then speeds around and cuts me off, slams on brakes, ends up at the same light as me, etc etc. What I wouldn't do for a flat tire on their car!!! Kharma, anyone??

People who walk in stores like they drive - right behind you, huffing about how slow you're going, making comments like you can't hear them. People who hit you with their cart because you're going too slow for them.
People who cut you off in a merge lane or an exit lane - I'm sorry, I wasn't exiting fast enough for you?! The ramp says 30 and I'm going 40, but you HAVE to be ahead of me going 50 or 60?

People who talk about you like you can't hear - I took my son to the quarterly trip to McDonald's, and a group of teenagers sits in the area next to us, and starts talking about toddlers and babies (I'm sitting right there) and was saying how gross they are, and how they're so messy, and look at those babies over there, and blah blah.

Shut your pre-pubescent mouths, you little identity-challenged brats! (Ok, maybe I'm overreacting)

Ok, so I'm not much older than them, but still. GROW UP, or shut your mouth. Pick one.

People who let their children do anything, anywhere, even if it's in someone else's home, or going to damage someone else's belongings. This entails a trip to Walmart, where someone has let their child push the cart, and they aren't watching, and their child rams into me, or my cart. Also, when they let their child run crazy through the store and they run into me or my cart, or right in front of me and just stand there. Also, this is when someone lets their child - at church, in the store, etc - come up and take my child's snack and start eating it.
What is up with that?
Most parents are watching, and most are appalled when I remove the snack from their child's hand and tell them NO, that is his snack. I don't let my children eat out of whereever! Why would you? I also did not come to feed the neighborhood! Your kid is hungry = bring snacks.

People who let their kids play with toys in the store, all through the store - teething babies who chew on the toy, little kids who are banging it on the cart - and then they put down the toy back in the store before they leave. You are going to drool up a toy, or dirty it, or break it, buy it!!! I know it's a novel concept, but maybe you should purchase something first! I don't go into someone's home and break things because I don't have to take them out with me afterwards! I don't shoplift!

People who don't put their carts back in the cart corrals. I make my babies come with me to return the cart - rain, sleet, snow - it's going back there, and it's going to teach my children to respect and to be responsible. And to not be lazy. I won't leave them in the car, so they come with me - instead of leaving the cart close to the car, in the guy's parking spot next to me or up by the nose end of the car. It takes five seconds, and my three year old thinks it's fun. Where's the negative side here?

Bugs. All bugs everywhere, ever. They are just disgusting. I don't care if spiders get rid of other bugs, they are the worst. I don't care if they help the planet thrive. They are gross.

Mean kids. Mean, rude, inconsiderate kids. Although I more pity them, and loathe the parents.

Parents who act like their children are so much better than yours, but they have super bratty kids who are spoiled.... I hate that! I know you are proud of your child. Bless your heart. I understand. But for peter's sake, you don't need to be boasting about how awesome your child is while in the background he is pulling books off the shelf and hitting my child with them. Seriously.
Dogs who stick their nose in your private areas.

Dogs who jump on you - with dirty feet, and if they're tiny scratchy dogs. One big jump from a big, cuddly friendly dog is fine with me. And I don't really like dogs, so that's saying something.

Cats who scratch you out of nowhere. What the heck, guy, I was just petting you and now you have your claws in my arm and you're trying to sink your fangy little teeth into my knuckle. See if I touch you again. Ever.

Poop. I hate poop. You hate to admit it, but seriously your life is about poop. Everyone's is. What you're going to make into poop, how it's going to end up...

and especially as a mom, I feel like everything in my life is worry about how everyone is pooping. And what it looks like. I SO hate poop.

Dora the Explorer. I wasn't going to go there, but I have to. Children's television is going downhill, and I know there are a lot of horrible tv shows out there, and really I have to say that Dora is a lot better than a lot of shows out there, but I .... I can't bring myself to listen to her voice without wanting to hit someone. Seriously. The - most - annoying - voice - ever.

Movies about zombies. Let it die, people, let it die.

This media obsession with vampires lately - movies, books, tv shows. Caaaaalm down, people.

You on a Diet - I'm reading it, and right now I can't decide if I'm mad at it, or grateful for it. It tells me something that makes me feel guilty, then something that makes me feel educated, then something that makes me feel inspired, and then the chapter always ends with "and in this book we will teach you..." but I'm already halfway through the book. I'm pretty sure the first 90% of the book is their way of trying to encourage you, by slurring together a hodge podge of motivational bad puns and examples, a lot of cartoony art, some severely scientific evidence on how things work, and then the last chapter has to be where the "Ok seriously, just do this" is at. Because honestly people.... get to the point.
(I'll let you know how this book turns out)
In the meantime, I have managed to stave off the insanity while reading this book while eating a few handfuls of chocolate chips at the same time. That usually does the trick.

The guts in a tomato. Way to ruin the tomato, guts! Bleh bleh bleh get it off my tongue.

Burnt orange colors in sweater form. NO, that's a BAD SWEATER. BAD.

Rants about things that drive me crazy. Oh wait.

Ok that means I'm done. I really really am done. Honestly.

(The wo-mullet... seriously. Why does every woman on Cops have a mullet? The woman mullet? You know what I'm talking about. What hairstylist out there honestly gives that haircut to someone and feels good about themselves? Do you feel like you've done your job? Letting them go into public like that? Way to go. Pathetic.)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cake, MARVELOUS Cake...

Did I mention that I love cake?!

Not eating, of course, silly...

But making it!!!!


It is the most fun thing to do, and I can't wait until I get to make another cake. I'm already excited about teaching a cooking class next month for a Relief Society activity - although I'm a little stumped because it needs to be about a light, summery dessert, and quite frankly I - and my family - are not all about the light desserts. We have the mindset, if you're doing dessert, do it right. You're going to have cake? Have a great cake. Have a super awesome cake. Don't eat that store-bought cake that's kindof flavorless, spongey, and it's coated in frosting that's oily, generic, leaves a film in your mouth, and kindof tastes yucky. Eat a rich, delicious moist cake (flavor of your choice) with homemade, hand-whipped buttercream frosting. Filling of your choice. Not in the mood for cake? Have some chocolate mousse with meringue mushroom accents. Lol.

Doing a dessert? DO IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!

That's my motto.


Monday, March 2, 2009



Well I'm grateful my husband and I (who knows for how long) are still employed. I'm hearing so many horrible stories - and all the men in my husband's family have lost their jobs. Terrible! My hubby's been working from home, since their company went into bankruptcy and they booted them out of their office space, which is a blessing.......

....aaaand kindof annoying.


Seriously. I had a routine. I had my things I did, my children had routine, and now.... it's totally tossed to the wind! It doesn't help that when my husband is home I'm used to relaxing a little - I ususally do all my "duties" during the day, and when he comes home from work we do nothing together instead of him doing nothing because he's been at work all day, and me putting around and then we never see each other. But now that he's home... I found myself, for a couple of days, just ... PLLTHHTHTHBBT - sitting on the couch. Ugh. So finally, I know it's like a child, but I made myself a chore chart.

Ha ha ha - yes, yes, a chore chart.

Every day I walk over, see what I have to get done, check it off as I go, and I don't feel like "aah I'll never get all the things done I need to!!!" anymore. Instead, I get done what I have to that day, and things like sweeping get done once in a while, instead of never, because I'm never thinking about it. It's awesome - and oddly, I'm doing more than I ever have, but I don't actually work all day long at it. I'm usually done my list by noon (or later, if it's a laundry day) and then I can spend the rest of the day to my liking - crafting with Logan, scrapbooking online, taking up an old project I should have finished... OR if I'm really ambitious I'll do something off of tomorrow's "to-do" chore list. I have no regrets for having made a chore chart.

Even though it's kindof childish.
It's working.

Logan also has a chore chart.

That is not working. LOL

So part of my spare-time projects is to scan my scrapbook box into the computer, to save space. By "scrapbook box", I mean - when we first moved into this apartment, I went through allllll my craft boxes and put all the things I held onto (every picture, sticker, doo-dad, memento) into one medium-sized Home Depot moving box.

That is one big box.

But - I want to scan it (not only to remove it from next to my desk here) because I know I'll never have the time to sit down and scrapbook everything I want to. I haven't even done our wedding photos yet. Seriously. PLUS, scrapbooking the old-fashioned way is expensive!!! You have to buy the paper, the stickers, the brads and embellishments, ribbon, die cuts, maybe even the machines to cut things for you, fancy scissors, stamps, etc etc... it's exhausting!!! At the end of it, one page cost you like $30 to produce!

My solution? I started using Heritage Makers ( ) to scrapbook everything. They have a gigantor database of stickers, brads, and embellishments to add to your digital page, and you use this through their website... it's amazing. It's like scrapbooking for real, because of how free it is and what freedom you have to do what you want on the page in terms of where things go and what color you want and how you want them to lay, except you are saving a TONNNN of money on supplies, plus you have a searchable database for your embellishments instead of - oh, say - a shoebox filled with doo-dads all jumbled up together, or ribbon all tangled together. I love love love it.

Especially since you order your book, and it comes sewn and bound like a professional book, and it is such high amazing quality, and the images are superb (looks like real flowers and ribbon on your page, or like you actually have sewn a label on) and - get this... - IT LAYS FLAT!!!!! Yes! No more 15" binder for a 1" story. Ha ha ha!

I also joke to my husband that I won't have to fight myself on saving my family or saving my scrapbooks with this - because they are in the database of Heritage Makers, so if something happens to your computer or your home, the scrapbook is safe. And you can just order another one. Which is awesome.

WELL now that I'm done talking about scrapbooking! I'm going to go eat some chocolate, and concern myself with how I'm going to lose my baby weight... from my first baby... by summer.